Blog post 1

A letter to my old self

May 20, 2024

Dear Serina,

You’ve grown through the pain, tears, and fears of being alone. I must say, it hasn’t been easy. Anxiety is more present than ever; the future and things that haven’t happened, or may never happen, linger in your mind.

The exercises our therapist gives us help, but rewiring your brain is an everyday job. Living with yourself has gotten easier. I have so much hope for our future, even if our family has little to no hope for us yes, this hurts I’m trying my hardest to work through every day, yet I am mainly met with laughter when I share my efforts to change and get better. Not everyone will understand me and that is okay. But my emotions are bigger than ever since I’ve started to acknowledge them. Your anxiety and our anger remain. We’re progressing very slowly, but as long as we keep making steps forward, I am hopeful for immense change.

Loving yourself is a big change, but it has been necessary. We are hopeful, and you would be proud of how nonreactive I’ve been these past weeks. It has not been easy to stay quiet. I find that silence has been more defining than revenge. I am hurting a little less each day; the tears are fewer, and we’ve been pushing through what is change without difficulty. As your future self, I am happy to report that your mind is clearing up, even if healing isn’t linear. There are now an equal number of happy and sad days. You’ve picked up reading again and even bought tickets to your favorite band’s concert in July. Being alone has been the hardest yet most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. You never knew a life without coping with bad things and men, yet here we are, months later, preferring solitude over a drunken night out.

I’ve been dreading writing to you because you are the person I constantly disappoint. Please know I’m fighting for better days. I love you, and you have ceased all communication for your peace of mind. That alone is growth.

The journey is long, but every day we wake up and take a step forward, big or small. 

Here’s to brighter days.